Sunday, October 19, 2014

Some History & Finding Our Home

I met Graham five years ago.
A few months after we met. Just friends.
It was love at first sight (for one of us). He was insistent:
"Someday, we will end up together." 
I was relentless in asserting the opposite.

I was only 19 years old. I was suffering. I was scared. And I was lost. I could barely look at myself in the mirror. I was a closed book of chapters that I truly believed would never be written.

I had never been in love. And at that point in my life, I didn't feel capable of it. I wished to be perfect before entering a relationship.

We became friends. He admitted his feelings. I denied mine endlessly. For a year, I would not go out on a date with him. He was advised by all of his friends to give up on me. But he didn't.

He thought I was perfect just as I was. I thought that was laughable. He offered to help me. I lied: I told him I did not need his help. He made me laugh each and every day. I made him sad at the same pace. 

After a year of being chased, I knew I was close to losing him. This frightened me more than the alternative.

I dove in. I gave him a chance. I held his hand. I never looked back. 

Without going into detail, I will say that Graham has since saved my life. I was completely shattered. But he loved me. And in doing so, he provided the support I needed to heal.
Three and a half years later, in August 2014, we bought our first home.

When I met it, I knew it was the one. But was I ready? My perfectionism reared its ugly head:
Should we look around? Are there greater opportunities for investment? Should I wait for a promotion at work? We are content. Should we be more patient? Do I really deserve such a beautiful home?
Graham and I have lived together for quite some time (renting, etc.). He knows me, and appropriately, has little patience reserved for my apprehension (compared to five years ago). He understands my perfectionism,  and he battles it when I can't find the strength to. 

He asked me to stop searching for flaws. He told me he felt we had found our home. I told him I believed him.

And so, we dove in. We bought our home. We held hands. And we never looked back. 
First night in our first home. No furniture? No problem. Picnic on the floor with my love.
We have never been happier before. 

I no longer recognize the girl Graham met five years ago. But I am so very thankful that God helped him love her when she gave him a chance. And I am beholden that now I love her too.

Instead of waiting for perfection, recognize that what you have is beautiful and will give you greater joy.

Kristina

2 comments :

  1. Graham, you're wonderful! Kristina, this is beautiful and you deserve it (no matter what you may feel at times). Enjoy a restful weekend!

    www.lovecompassionatelee.com/behindthescenes

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  2. This is such a beautiful post. Really touched me. It's really true what you say, but sometimes so hard. I totally get the part that you wanted to be perfect before gaining into a relationship. I am really glad he hold on for you :)

    Love, Felicia

    www.feliciards.com

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